Coming of Age

It's been a really long time..not going to lie, I totally forgot about my blog.

I realized over the years, I've changed a lot. Generally in a positive maturing way, besides the part where I got angrier and angrier as I got older. I stopped drinking heavily on the weekly basis, stopped partying (although I miss that from time to time), pretty much quit smoking, and stopped buying all sorts of cute useless things like notebooks and pens I'm never going to use.

I started partying/drinking/smoking at a young age. To be specific, I started drinking beer since 5 with my Dad. He likes to drink beer and liquor while eating, and a lot of the times we just drink together. So instead of washing my food down with soda or water during dinner, I had beer or rice wine. My love&hate relationship with alcohol didn't start until 9th grade, at the height of peer pressure and the general teenage false impression that alcohol and nicotine consumption were "cool". Unfortunately a lot of people my age still feel that way today, grow out of it already. I did not know my limit when I was 14, and ended up in the hospital for alcohol poisoning. I could've died that night, but that didn't stop me from drinking later on. I've done so many stupid things while wasted, and let quite a few people see me at my worst moments. I've fell down an entire staircase, threw up all over the place, flashed people involuntarily, and allowed people to take advantage of me. Yet I still went out to drink regularly, and I wasn't drinking to have fun, I was drinking to get smashed.

It wasn't until I started working in a bar, that I realized drinking just wasn't "fun" anymore. I no longer enjoy stumbling all over the place, throwing up, or acting like a fool, and honestly, there's no amount of "fun" worth having when you have to embarrass yourself like that in public. These days I still enjoy having a drink or two when I go out to eat, but I no longer binge drink like a teenager because I'm not looking to get wasted. I'm in my 20s, and I rather carry myself like a classy woman, not a hormonal young hot mess that's in desperate need of male attention.

I started partying/clubbing when I was 16. We used to throw our own parties, then I moved on to clubbing in the city every weekend. I always managed to find my way to the city no matter where I lived, whether it was Long Island, Jersey, or Staten Island. I didn't seem to mind walking two miles in my heels just to get to a NJ Transit station, or having to pay $25 for a cab ride home everytime I got off the Staten Island ferry - now that's dedication. I actually never had a fake ID for 21+ parties, and I didn't even have an ID for 18+ parties until I was 19. I don't really remember how I always managed to get in, but I did. I honestly think the reason why I stopped partying is because I got into a relationship, and I strongly believe it's NOT okay to go to a club without your boyfriend and let other guys rub their genitals all over you. But I also think it's because I'm just really lazy now, and I can't keep up like I used to because my age is getting to me (haha). So pretty much when everyone else started going clubbing, I stopped.

Cigarettes and I became friends in middle school, but I didn't really start until sophomore year of high school. It's just such an expensive habit nowadays, and I refuse to spend $11 on a pack when I can get a carton for $16 in duty-free shops.

I used to dress a lot more revealing when I was younger, but over the years I started covering up more and more because I came to the realization that having all of your goods hanging out just isn't attractive. I no longer want guys to pay attention to me for the wrong reasons, or leave an impression that I'm some sort of skank that they don't need to take seriously. If you don't even respect yourself, how do you expect others to do so? To me, modesty is much more appealing than promiscuity, and yes there is a difference between "confident" and straight up "trashy". A girl looks confident and sexy when she's wearing a dress that has an appropriate length and cut, not someone whose breasts are completely hanging out and pulled her shirt down long enough so it can barely pass as a "dress". Ladies, we are getting old, it's about time you learn what sophistication is, because I rather give off the girlfriend/wife material image than a perfect-one-night-stand-participant one.

Remember, trashy is NEVER classy, but if you prefer the first one, then best of luck to you.